A friend once told me how happy he was after changing jobs to a very technical design role. “the best thing” he said, “is I don’t have to deal with people any more…”
The trouble with people is that they’re all different. And often difficult.
The trouble with leadership is that you have to cope with those difficulties.
Harnessing people’s differences and difficulties are part of a leader’s job.
That’s because Leadership is, at its core, a relationship.
A relationship between you and the people in your team.
It’s not friendship but it’s also not remote control.
You can’t lead people effectively unless you form effective relationships with people.
Effective doesn’t have to mean close, or even polite, (as any good autocrat can tell you,,) but it does mean consistent. And it does mean consciously working that relationship, not ignoring it or wishing it wasn’t there.
Even dictators know how they want to treat their own team , they certainly don’t ignore them.
If you’re a highly agreeable sort you’ll have one type of relationship – based on not upsetting your team.
If you’re less agreeable but more detailed it’ll be another, based on getting things right not keeping feelings happy..
And so it goes.
What matters is that you engage.
Whether you’re nice or not, at least be honest with your team.
Whether you like your team or not, be consistent.
Relationships are built on truth, not trust. Trust is a byproduct.
Pretending to be friendly or nice to gain favour weakens your leadership if it’s not consistent.
You can become more friendly or nicer but it takes discipline and practice.
People can sense pretence and will resent you for it.
Strong leaders either stay unfriendly or work to be friendly. They don’t pretend.
If relationships are really not for you be like my friend and go do something else.
“… whether you’re nice or not, at least be honest with your team…”
Do you find some people difficult to work with?
Are you tough or soft with them, or do you just avoid them?
Are you consistent?
Do you act differently with your boss than with your team? If you do, do you think your team doesn’t notice?
Do you only engage with people who can help you?
Do you want to lead people who are easy to lead, or do you engage with the faulty ones too?
Are you working to improve the relationship with your team or wishing you didn’t have one?
Are people a problem?
.
.
“…I might be wrong, but at least I’ve thought about it…”
Brilliantly articulated Bruce. Couldn’t agree more. It is about being authentic consistently. I particularly like your comment that relationships are based on truth and trust is an outcome of that.
Nice topic and very well-articulated Bruce. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Totally agree with the importance of being consistent, it is demanding enough even when you are consistent and truthful, let alone having to put on an act and keep that up, I couldn’t imagine how difficult that would be.
Having said that, because we are so different and have different needs, as a leader you need to be always conscious of the specific needs of your team members and cater your approach accordingly.
Thanks George. Of course you’re right about adapting to individuals, you can’t treat everyone the same. The balancing act is to be flexible but also consistent – at least try to be consistent so when we get it wrong we know it. Like any relationship it takes work to maintain it. 😊